Men's Health And Fitness

Every single one of us begins aging the moment we are born –

If you’re alive, you’re aging – you can’t avoid it. But there are a number of things that you can do to keep yourself healthy and active, and to eliminate or at least slow down many of the factors that contribute to aging.

Ever since Ponce de Leon went searching for the Fountain of Youth, people have been looking for ways to slow down the aging process. Medical science has made great advances in keeping people alive longer by preventing and curing diseases, and helping people to live healthier, happier lives. Average life expectancy keeps increasing and most of us can look forward to a much longer life than our ancestors.

Our bodies were actually designed with the ability to fix themselves, as long as you take care of yourself properly. Your body is made up of about 100 trillion (100,000,000,000,000) living cells, which keep themselves strong and healthy with the proper food. Each and every one of those trillions of cells dies off and is replaced with a new cell at regular intervals. Your entire body is literally completely replaced every few years you really aren’t the same person you used to be!

What happens with your cells is the key to anti-aging –

When a cell dies, one of three possible things must happen:

A) If the cell has not been receiving proper nutrition, its replacement will be a weaker version of the cell. In this scenario, your body is degenerating.

B) The replacement cell may have the same strength as its predecessor. In this case, your body essentially remains in the same place.

C) The third possibility is that the new cell is stronger than the previous one. Now you’re actually regenerating the body, and reversing the aging process. This can only happen if you give your cells plenty of the right kind of food energy to work with.

Sometime, usually in our late twenties or early thirties, many of us start noticing those first signs that we aren’t kids anymore a few gray hairs appearing, facial wrinkles, skin starts sagging. As more time goes by, other signs gradually appear it’s a little harder getting up in the morning, our vision and hearing aren’t what they used to be, our sex life isn’t as lively as we remember. As we look around, we see the same things happening to our friends and family. Most of us generally accept what we see as an inevitable process of nature.

You’re only as old as you feel –

And if you feel and think that you’re getting older well, then you are! Your mindset does influence what goes on in your body. Meanwhile, you see your body getting older, so you feel older, which reinforces the aging processes in your body. It becomes a vicious circle.

You can turn things around –

As you notice your body looking and feeling younger, your mindset will improve, which motivates you to continue your anti-aging practices, which sets up a positive feedback loop, instead of a negative one. And so the process accelerates.

People are living longer than ever nowadays, due to advanced medical breakthroughs, increased awareness of the importance of a healthy lifestyle, and other related factors.

The human body can take an awful lot of abuse and neglect –

We don’t always think about our bad habits, since it may take years or decades for the effects to become apparent. But neglect yourself long enough and you may one day find yourself suffering through the late period of your life with a wide range of ailments and complaints – from difficulty seeing and hearing to cancer, heart disease, brittle bones, and many other problems.

Yet it only takes knowledge and a little bit of work to prevent most, if not all, of these common old-age problems from manifesting. There’s no magic pill or instant cure, and it will take some effort on your part. But the results will be well worth it. How much would it be worth to you to enjoy your final years as a healthy, active adult, able to continue doing many of the things you most love?

Find lots of Tips and Tricks about Anti-Aging at http://www.anti-aging-trix.com

One of the signature symptoms of Andropause is erectile dysfunction (ED). An embarrassing, nerve-wrecking experience, ED is when a male cannot perform for his female partner. In layman’s terms, it is the inability to have an erect penis during sexual activity.

It is the primary issue amongst men in regards to their sex lives. Let’s become acquainted with how a full erection works and why this condition exists. Men under the influence of Andropause have erectile dysfunction no matter what’s on their mind. Thinking of a nude Playboy centerfold model would likely induce pleasant and sexual thoughts into a man.

Sexual thoughts, however detailed or brief they may be, are produced in the brain. After all, the brain is responsible for thinking. These sexual thoughts directly spark nerve signals down through the spinal cord and into the muscles of the penis. These nerves send a flow of blood running through the arteries in the penis while it is in a relaxed state, building pressure.

A man without Andropause can have a constant, steady flow of blood flowing to his penis arteries in a good amount. The more blood that flows down there, the harder and longer your erection will be! When sexual thoughts creep out of your mind and you’re focused on another activity, your penis returns to its relaxed state. We can guess Andropause sufferers are going to have to do something else rather than think about that nude Playboy model to obtain an erection!

Erectile dysfunction can attribute to psychological causes. Psychological causes can include having fear of our female partners (especially when it is a specific person with whom we feel shy with), depression, lack of self esteem, and cluelessness as to what to do with certain parts of the female anatomy. Our bodies are exposed to the air and we often times feel ashamed of what we look like to our partners. Mind thoughts and emotions that are pessimistic in nature not only affect your mental state, but the performance of your penis as well.

As with other medical conditions, the effects of impotence can be magnified if we do not follow a proper health regimen. The top dog in promoting erectile dysfunction is the use of drugs, particularly the cancer sticks you find over the counter we all know which one that is. Cigarettes reduce the amount of blood flow to the penis. Undergoing surgery and prescription drugs also contribute to the problem, like tranquilizers, medications for seizures, beta blockers, and diuretics. Even a simple over the counter drug like NyQuil Cold & Sinus (a decongestant) can reduce blood flow to the penis, at least temporarily.

We’ve probably all seen those commercials before. You know, the one with Rafael Palmeiro (major league baseball player in his late 30s) promoting the use of a special pill known throughout the globe as Viagra. Viagra is a staple of American culture the subject of endless tonight show monologue jokes and a popular conversation topic anywhere. At a cursory glance, Viagra may seem like a sideshow attraction, but its been proven to be one of the most effective drugs you can take for erectile dysfunction.

Using Viagra requires a doctors prescription, but it is so readily available you can get away without one. Before considering going on this pill, maintain a healthy lifestyle and build up those testosterone levels naturally. Make a visit to your doctor to discuss a proper dosage and see if Viagra is right for you. Remember, there are many erectile dysfunction pills out there the goal is to see which best suits your condition. Don’t fret over this condition with the plethora of solutions and medications combating this problem, you’ll be sure to be fine in no time.

The information in this article is for educational purposes only, and is not intended as medical advice.

Andropause and DHEA are a medical condition and a cure paving the way for a steady recovery. A lack of DHEA, known as Dehydroepianodrosterone in medical circles, is directly correlated with impotence in men.

This is also referred to as erectile dysfunction. Quite simply, the more DHEA there is in your body the better off you are. It acts as a replenisher pumping life into various processes such as lowering cholesterol levels, reducing fat, and regulating healthy blood pressure. DHEA is synonymous with versatility it simply branches out throughout your body serving as a cleaner and a regulator.

The effects of Andropause can be effectively reduced by using DHEA as a hormonal supplement. Produced in the adrenal glands, Dehydroepianodrosterone is responsible for producing chemicals that influence the growth of testosterone in the body. Used as a dietary supplement, DHEA can do wonders for you. The enhancement of memory, stamina build up, and increased levels of libido can restore a man back to his natural state. It is a great treatment for men with erectile dysfunction, a common symptom of Andropause as well.

There have been plenty of tests using DHEA and placebos where libido and erectile function improved significantly in the men using this hormone than those that didn’t. It has been said that low levels of DHEA is linked with a speeded up aging process. Before research efforts were placed into discovering more about this hormone, it was associated with helping in weight loss. Tests done on mice in laboratories showed that DHEA controlled their levels of obesity. Soon after, it was associated with a slew of other health benefits.

Bodybuilding enthusiasts should look closely into making DHEA part of their nutritional supplement regimen. The hormone plays a part in helping grow muscle mass (similar to the same rate as other over the counter products such as creatine and whey protein), reversing osteoporosis by building stronger bones and strengthening bone tissue, and regulating sex hormones in both men and women (estrogen and testosterone.) It works along the same plane as human growth hormone, another anti-aging drug given to Andropause sufferers in particular.

As stated previously, hormones are not synthetic. There are human derived hormones that are packaged in capsules and pills and sold to the general public to increase the amount of hormone already present in the body. The production of DHEA in the adrenal glands is highest during the childhood and teenage years, trailing off later on during mid-life. Men produce more of this hormone than women, and senior citizens around the age of 65 have the lowest levels of all.

Consuming harmful substances can derail the production of DHEA, such as drinking Sprite, Coca-Cola, or other caffeine-packed beverages. Drink a bottle of mineral water and hold off on the Fanta next time! Other things that influence the levels of DHEA in the body are lack of exercise and stress. Basically, any activity that promotes aging will result in drop off levels. Jump on that treadmill, release that excess stress, and maintain your already decreasing amounts of this vital hormone!

Combat Andropause by using DHEA as a hormonal supplement. If you take too much, your body will stop producing its own natural amount. An excess of DHEA can skyrocket your levels of testosterone, amplifying your male features. Not a good idea for women who want to maintain their female attributes. It is always wise to take proper safety precautions when consuming any hormone supplement or drug. Remember, recent studies have shown that too much Vitamin E can cause heart failure. Did you think vitamins were care-free and harmless? Think again!

Lucky women. They’ve always known that sometime in their mid-40s they will begin to experience changes in hormone levels that will lead to uncomfortable symptoms and culminate in the change of life: menopause. It may seem odd to consider the certainty of menopause a lucky thing, but being able to openly talk about a medically documented event is liberating. Women can commiserate with each other and consult with their doctors for help dealing with uncomfortable symptoms. Men, however, have not had the luxury of receiving help for their mid-life discomforts. In fact, andropause, or male menopause, is not even widely accepted as a legitimate medical phenomenon.

There are several reasons the idea of Male Menopause has been received with skepticism. First, it’s a much more gradual event than a woman’s menopause. While a woman will experience a measurable and obvious drop in her estrogen levels beginning in her forties, a man’s testosterone levels begin to drop very gradually as early as thirty years old. Since the shift in hormones occurs so differently in men, the accompanying symptoms are also more gradual. For example, a woman may suddenly find herself irritable or depressed, and recognize that a change has taken place. But a man’s onset of symptoms takes much longer, so he may not recognize that he is changing.

Second, Andropause is not as final as women’s Menopause. When a woman’s estrogen levels decline sufficiently, her menstrual cycle will cease. She will be unable to bear children. Her ovaries will not produce eggs, and her uterus will not be able to sustain a pregnancy. She truly experiences a change of life: she has changed from a fertile human to one unable to procreate. This doesn’t happen with a man. Men continue to produce enough testosterone into their 80s to be able to father children. Even if a man cannot have intercourse and ejaculate to impregnate his partner, semen with sperm in it can still be collected and used to fertilize an egg. Perhaps the biggest reason that scientists have discussed andropause with skepticism is that men do not experience the change of life to the extent that women do.

Three, men are expected to be stoic about symptoms. Women have support groups, literature, and medical experts lining up to assist with the change of life. Decades-long, nationwide studies are done about the benefits and risks of hormone replacement therapy to treat menopause. Women talk about, joke about, and complain about their symptoms and discomforts. Men, meanwhile, endure their discomforts in silence. It’s not manly to whine about problems such as weight gain, thinning hair, difficulty achieving or maintaining erections, sleeplessness, or depression. And what man would ever want to discuss his loss of libido? Women talk, men cope silently. The sad thing is, coping is often easier when professional intervention can be openly sought.

Acknowledging the truth of male menopause is definitely the first step in helping men cope with the changes taking place in their bodies.

Christopher Thomas is a journalist/photographer that has recently overcame Andropause (Male Menopause) symptoms by taking supplements and making dietary changes. For additional information about Male Menopause/Andropause and treatment options that can help, please visit http://www.Amidrenreview.com.

Stammering is a condition that affects around one in every hundred people in the UK. According to the latest reports on average three quarters of people who have a stammer are male. This article looks into the affects that stammering can have on a persons life and about possible solutions which can help people to achieve fluency.

In truth, I believe it is very hard for a fluent person to fully understand just how difficult life can be for people who stammer. They can of course imagine what it could be like but only a fellow sufferer or former sufferer can really know.

Using the telephone is one of the most difficult of daily tasks facing the stammerer, to such an extent many of them do whatever they can to avoid using it. Tasks which the average fluent person would consider very easy, like ordering a pizza can be very hard for people who stammer. Answering the phone is no easier however the ever rising use of mobile phones has helped as they can now see who is calling them.

Socialising can also be very daunting. Other people constantly asking questions and expecting exciting and interesting conversation puts a huge pressure on people who stammer. Then there is the actual ordering of food and drink. Most people who stammer have certain sounds which they are aware they have most problems with and if for example the drink which they have to ask for begins with this sound, this as you can imagine can fill them with fear.

Gaining employment and progressing up the career ladder is another potential problem for people who stammer. An interview is hard enough for fluent people but is a thousand times harder for people who have a speech impediment. If they stammer they then believe that there is no chance that they will be successful in obtaining the job.

Dating is another area of life which can be a daunting prospect for any person who has a stammer. Even when they meet a woman that they like, there is then the other issues such as meeting her parents and meeting her friends.

As you can see there is a seemingly never ending list of potential hazards for people who stammer and many sufferers can easily become depressed.

Solutions for stammering

There are various different options for people who are looking at overcoming their stammer. These include a private speech course, these can be in a group but there is probably a much higher chance of success by attending a one-to-one course. The duration of the courses can be anywhere between three and five days.

There is also a number of self-help options including dvd’s and stammering ebooks.

It is not easy to eradicate a stammer but if the person who has the stammer has enough determination and is willing to work very hard on practicing whatever techniques they learn, fluency is very much achievable.

A number of famous people have managed to beat their own stammer such as Bruce Willis and these people should be seen as an inspiration to other sufferers.

There is no longer a need to accept second best in life and to have a constant fear of talking.

The penis is as complex as any other part of the human body, despite a deceivingly simple appearance. Moreover, since the two functions of the penis are well-known to men and women alike, there is a tendency to think that everybody knows everything worth knowing about it. However, there are always a few questions left unanswered or some obscure bit of information that nobody bothers to remember and which may become interesting in a certain context. So here’s a general description of the penis whose aim is to provide a comprehensive presentation of this organ.

Basically, the human penis is made up of two parts: the shaft and the glans (also known as the head). The shaft is not a muscle as some have suggested. It is made of three columns of tissue, one of which continues forward to form the glans. The three columns are called Corpus Spongiosus, which forms the underside of the penis and the glans, and Corpora Cavernosa, which are two sections of tissue located next to each other on the upper side of the penis.

The shaft is covered in skin, while the glans supports the loosely attached fold of skin known as the foreskin. The foreskin is attached to the underside of the penis, in an area called the frenum. And, lastly, the penis is traversed from one end to the other by the urethra. This canal serves as a passage for both urine, produced in the bladder, and the sperm, produced in the testicles.

Erection is achieved by filling the two Corpora Cavernosa with blood. Unlike some other mammals, humans have no erectile bone and have to rely instead on engorgement with blood to reach erection. When the erection is triggered by sexual stimulation, the arteries that bring blood to the penis dilate in order to increase blood flow. The sponge-like Corpora Cavernosa fills up with blood, which makes the penis stiff. The stiffer tissues constrict the veins that carry blood away from the penis in order to maintain the erection.

Every male baby is born with a full set of reproductive organs. However, these organs are not fully developed and remain so until the boy enters puberty. At puberty, usually between the ages of 10 and 14, the pituitary gland starts secreting hormones that induce the testicles to produce testosterone. Testosterone is the hormone that controls all the physical and many of the psychological traits that define man.

Its presence ensures the development of bigger bones and higher muscle mass in men. It is also responsible for the increase in penis and testicles size, the apparition of pubic hair and the deeper tone of the male voice. The penis stops growing at the end of puberty, which comes around the age of 18. However, there are many environment factors that may delay or accelerate the onset or the end of puberty. This means that some men may experience penis growth beyond the age of 18.

A common urban myth that almost anyone has heard of is the idea that penis size is linked to the size of another body part. The most common versions of this myth focus on the size of hands, feet, nose or overall height to determine the size of the penis. Actually, there is no such link. Although the development of the penis in the embryo is controlled by the same genes as the limbs, penis growth at puberty is entirely governed by testosterone and has nothing to do with the other parts of the body.

Some men are born with big penises. This is an undisputed fact of life whose causes are still a mystery to science. As stated above, there is no correlation between penis and body size. Studies conducted on bats have shown that the sexual organs and the brain require large quantities of energy to develop. At some point, the developing embryo decides whether it wants a bigger brain or a bigger set of sexual organs. However, science is still at a loss to understand how the decision is made and why.

And, lastly, a word on penis exercises. The exercises that PenisHealth promotes are designed to force the columns of tissue to expand in both length and girth. This is done by exerting pressure on the shaft and helping the cells that make up the tissues to multiply. Obviously, the aim of these exercises is to make the Corpora Cavernosa hold more blood in order to increase the size of the erect penis. Contrary to what many skeptics think, the careful and sustained exercising of the penis is a safe and effective way of increasing length and girth.

An inflammatory disease of the skin, acne, comes about due to changes in the skin structure, that consisty of hair follicle and their sebaceous glands. Commong during puberty, acne, is the bodies response to changing testosterone hormones. Because of the randomness of the bodies response, acne for most people will come and go, and in most cases will completely dissappear over time. This time length is different for every individual, but is usually early twenties. There is now way for medical professionals to predict the acne timeline for an individual. Some individuals will even be affected by acne several users later, in their thirties and forties.

Although acne is not a very pleasant condition to have, due to the large array of people that it affects at some point in their life, it has become somewhat socially acceptable if kept under control. “Common Acne” is the most wide spread form of acne, which is as a result of naturally occurring dead skin cells blocking the hair follicles while an excessive of oil is secreted from the skin glands. Oil that is blocked under the skin builds up, and provides the perfect environment for bacteria to uncontrolably multiply. The Part of the Infection that we are used to seeing is the visible lesion that becomes visable as the skin inflames. Most individuals are only affected with acne on their face, but it should be noted that acne can affect the chest, back, shoulders, among other areas of the body as well.

Generally, acne doesn’t cause any long term medical implications. If Acne lesions are out of control, they can however, leave scars as the skin has been permanently damaged. Acne is more generally associated with social implications such as low self-esteem. Adolescence is a hard stage of life for most individuals, and the persistance of acne with our social agendas doesn’t make it any easier.

Do you find it difficult to have an erection or does the erection lasts for very less time leaving you sexually unsatisfied? You may suffer from “Erectile Dysfunction”. Don’t panic, you can get it cured.

Erectile dysfunction is defined as a sexual dysfunction which is characterized by the inability to develop or maintain an erection of the penis for satisfactory sexual intercourse regardless of the capability of ejaculation. It is also known as impotency. It is found that one in ten people suffer from erectile dysfunction. So don’t worry, if you are one of them.

Cause for erectile dysfunction may vary from person to person. Medical problems such as diabetes, hypertension, and atherosclerosis are found to be the main factor causing erectile dysfunction. Stress, anxiety or too much alcohol often causes temporary erectile dysfunction. It is commonly found among men by age 45, most men have experienced erectile dysfunction at least some of the time.

There are various alternative treatments available for Erectile dysfunctional such as PDE-5 inhibitors like levitra, injection therapy, urethral insertion tablet, vacuum devices, surgical implants and many other oral medicines.

But, in case if you are looking for the best option to erectile dysfunction, then levitra is the best option. Levitra can work as an effective alternative to erectile dysfunction. It works by blocking an enzyme called phosphodiesterase-5. It then relaxes smooth muscles in the penis thereby improving the blood flow. Once blood flow is changed, a natural erection can happen. Thus, giving a solution to all your worries related to erectile dysfunction.

You can obtain levitra prescription from your doctor. In case, your busy schedule doesn’t allow you to go to your doctor. Don’t worry now you can get the levitra prescription online that too from licensed physicians. Levitra is a round shaped orange tablet which is to be swallowed available in strengths of 5mg, 10mg or 20mg. Levitra taken around one hour before sexual intercourse helps the Erectile Dysfunctional patients in attaining and maintaining erection when he is stimulated sexually. It does not work on its own, sexual stimulation is a must.

Order the required levitra online. Just fill in the online form on the online pharmacy websites; it will save your valuable money as well as time. Erectile dysfunction may cause distress in sexual relationship with your partner. Overcome this problem boldly with the right option that relieves from all the stress adding new color to your life.

As men and women all over the world share their warmth on these cold wintry nights, a celebration of love looms on the horizon, and with it, the promise of the coming spring, The rituals of Valentines Day so often consists of a box of chocolates and some roses, followed by dinner, and an expectation of some better than the usual sex. Ever wonder if it could get any better than this? It can.

Here’s a wake up call to men of all ages. It’s up to you to make it better. Take hold of the reins and do the unexpected. Surprise your baby and she’ll surprise you beyond your wildest expectations. Give her some sexy lingerie for, then sit back and enjoy the show! Lingerie the gift that keeps on giving!

Women love to look pretty, men love to look at pretty women, so what’s the problem here? Granted, most men’s ultimate goal is to get their women naked, but throw into the equation a tightly laced bustier with a skirted garter and fishnet hose heck, getting there is half the fun!

Lingerie comes in many styles and materials and is conveniently available online (for those of us who don’t particularly want to make a trip to Victoria’s Secret). Online lingerie retailers ship their products discreetly in plain boxes so as not to spill the beans to the neighbors, your wife, or the person you want to surprise. And there’s good news for those men who like their women big: plenty of stores out there that offer plus size lingerie, up to 3X!

With all this in mind, men need to become educated consumers in a world of lingerie that is primarily dominated by women. It is for this reason that I have taken it upon myself to write this informative Man’s Guide to Women’s Lingerie”.

Corsets and Bustiers: a history of lingerie

As recently as the 1830’s, the corset was thought of as a medical necessity. Being that women were the weaker sex, they needed the support of a laced corset to hold them up for any length of time. Girls from the ages of two or three began their lives being strapped in daily to a tight laced corset. Unfortunately for the women, by the time they reached their prime they were unable to stand or sit upright for very long without getting the “vapors”.

Early corsets were made from canvas, (plenty of that around from all the sailing ships) and had laces all the way up the back pulled so tight as to make it darn near impossible to draw a deep breath. Needless to say, the prevailing fashion (or fetish) of the day was a very small waist line.

Today’s modern corset is made from softer and suppler materials such as silk, satin and lace, (as well as leather) to name a few. It is designed to accentuate a woman’s curves, not to alter them. For many men there is nothing more arousing than the sight of a willing accomplice all dressed up in a tight, laced up leather corset, and it’s a turn on for the women too!

Out of the corset evolved the bustier, predecessor to the modern day brazier. It seems that men even back then liked to see their women’s breasts pushed up and squeezed together!

A bustier is basically an underwire bra that extends down to the waistline. Traditionally with a lace up front, today’s bustiers can fasten in a variety of ways. Zippers, snaps, hooks and eyes, (remember the trouble we had undoing bras in high school?) even Velcro seems to get the job done. Keep in mind the fastenings when considering a lingerie purchase. The removal of these garments can at times try a man’s patience. Remember the times when you’ve been asked to take it easy and slow down? Do it now and savor the moment!

Another popular lingerie design is what’s known as the Teddy. Similar to a corset in design, a teddy is a one piece suit that starts out as a bustier, extends down between the legs as a thong, and ends up fastening to the back of the bodice. Simple by definition, teddies can take the form of something resembling a harness, to a full fledged zippered, hooked, and laced corset with an attached thong. Many teddies come with garter belts attached, adding endless possibilities for some naughty, bad little girls’ psychopathic imagination to run wild with.

For the truly innocent, perpetual virgin nice girl look, consider the Baby Doll. A short mini hanging to the waist that can be worn with or without the matching bra and panties, the baby doll is usually made from some sheer, lightweight material with varying degrees of transparency. The baby doll lingerie style gets its name from; wellyou figure it out!

Today, ladies lingerie is easier than ever to shop for. Do a search on lingerie and you’ll find a multitude of reputable lingerie dealers and merchants. Browse through their catalogs and you’re sure to find something that stirs your, um interest.

Sizing is an issue that must be dealt with, and a good lingerie site will have size charts easily accessible. While lingerie is generally pretty forgiving size wise, (a lot of lingerie is marked one size fits all) you should know at a minimum if she’s a small, medium or large. If you see sizes like 32, 38, etc.why don’t you just ask her her size!

When shopping for lingerie, keep in mind that a gift of lingerie should stimulate both you and your partner. Get her something that you like, and don’t be afraid to push the envelope! Lingerie encompasses a huge variety of styles; from a couple of pasties and a thong to an elegant satin and lace gown with matching bra and panties!

Do not overlook the possibilities of Leather Lingerie. Leather has become mainstream and is not just for bikers and sado/masochists any more. Women love the feel of leather on their bare skin, and peeling off a tight leather teddy is a real treat!

Lingerie for your baby and you can’t lose! Give her a gift of lingerie, and you do yourself a favor! The gift that keeps on giving all year round!

Lets face it, we men are obsessed with women’s bodies and yet if I needed to tell someone the size of her breasts the best I could probably muster would be “just about right” and if she were to ask me right now what her dress size was I would probably mutter that it didn’t make her bum look big at all. This is in part due to my ever-present attempt to gain brownie points and not spend the night sleeping in the kitchen with the dog, but it is in one big part due to my ignorance. Ask her what size my waist is and she could tell you without a second’s hesitation. It really isn’t that difficult to find out this information either and the list of instructions on how to find out would consist solely of:

1 Open cupboard door.

2 Remove appropriate garment.

3 Check label and make mental note of size.

Even my brain could cope with that first thing in the morning but despite telling myself I should do it I never actually remember to. This could partially be because there is something instilled in the back of my brain that tells me the second I remove her bra and start ferreting around inside it, her mother is bound to burst down the front door unannounced and catch me in the act of apparently sniffing, or worse still putting on, her beloved daughter’s bra. This really isn’t a situation I want to find myself in but if I want to please her (my partner, not her mother) then I should do it. In fact, every man should do it. Go to your wife or girlfriend’s closet and find out her bra size. Write it on a piece of paper and secrete it in your wallet if necessary.

Of course, even once I know the size of her bra that doesn’t make the actual selection any easier. As a general rule of thumb, I’m led to believe that a black latex nurse’s outfit is not considered to be either lingerie or indeed comfortable so I will try to steer clear of that as far as possible, no matter how appealing they look. I will try my utmost to ensure that whatever I buy will not only please me but will make my partner feel sexy as well. This should imply that she will be able to move comfortably and bits don’t poke out when she lifts an arm or tries to sit down, or more importantly lie down.

Visiting any shop that has lingerie in is bound to be a big deal the first time I try it but I’m a grown man and I should be able to cope. The sales assistant probably won’t think that the stuff I buy is for me unless I say something embarrassingly stupid and wear fake breasts. In fact, there’s a very good chance she’s dealt with people like me, and people like you, on a fairly regular basis. You know, the kind of person who skulks around by the knickers looking around shiftily and sweating a lot. In fact, come to think of it, it’s probably best if I don’t do that, and just head straight over to her instead. She will probably be very helpful.

I saw a sign in a lingerie shop that I passed three times the other day and it said they would gift wrap the item. I decided there and then that if I ever built up the courage to go in the shop and actually buy any lingerie, instead of keep walking past it, I would definitely take advantage of that offer. I think being confronted by me carrying a Christmas cracker wrapped present and a proud smile like your son or daughter gets the first time they pee on their own would probably detract from the overall romanticism of the gesture. Besides, I wouldn’t have to carry it home in a way that meant others might be able to see what I’d bought.

I can’t wait to finally see her wearing the new lingerie I buy. I guess the only thing that’s left to do now is actually find out her size and go and buy something appropriate, that is not a latex nurse’s outfit.